I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
