you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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