I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
