i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
