well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
