my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
