Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
