Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
