just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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