you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
