Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
