Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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