Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
