I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
