I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
