i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
