i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
