my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
