He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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