he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
