just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
