just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
