Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
