you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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