I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
