we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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