just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
