im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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