The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
