But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Where is the hickey?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
