i don't like sucking hair
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
