so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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