he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
