I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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