I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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