butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
