After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
