If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
