1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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