So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
