Don't you send me to vm
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
