Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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