my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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