The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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