I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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