i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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