and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
