the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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