Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
