I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
